Incredibly Insightful Tips on Making an AMBW Relationship Last

For those of us who are searching for the ideal Asian guy partner, what refreshing insight given in the video clip below by Icysparks2007 on making AMBW relationships last! What I love about Icysparks2007’s perspective is that he is honest, yet positive. Thanks Icysparks2007! 🙂

Want to be totally connected to us and in the know? Follow BWLB on Twitter at blackwomenloveb and KrisE at: K_Kisses_KrisE


PLEASE READ BEFORE COMMENTING
In order to keep the comments section fair to all readers, comments are moderated and the following will be deleted:

-Personal attacks and insults
-More than 1 hyperlink or video pasted into comment
-”First”
-Hate Speech
-Off Topic
-ALL-CAPS
-Abusive Net-Speak (“i thk dis iz crazi”)
-Trolling or derailing the conversation
-Spam
-Using the reply feature without actually replying to a comment

21 thoughts on “Incredibly Insightful Tips on Making an AMBW Relationship Last

  1. As a native Georgian, there is one little thing I have to disagree with Al about. It has nothing to do with me from my state. I say this from an unbiased viewpoint.

    Yes, Atlanta..and just Atlanta-Fulton has more Blacks there than others,but the biggest mistake people assume about Georgia, especially Atlanta is that it one city/county when it’s much more. Metro Atlanta( as the reporters call it) consist of 28 or more cities and over 150 counties and cities..I may go through for example to Lawrenceville Georgia which is like 30 miles or less from Atlanta. To some people who aren’t from there. it’s another town,but a native would know that it’s part of Suburban ATL.

    Most Asians as well as Blacks and others tends to live in the outskirts of the ATL. I’ve seen Asians in White, Blacks and Latino neighborhoods,but if people are looking for a higher concentration of them you can find them in most places like
    1) Clarkston
    2) Lawrenceville
    3) Snelleville
    4)Suwanee
    5) Duluth
    6) Midtown ATL( because of school)
    7) Norcross
    8)Forest Park
    9)Marietta
    10) Doraville
    11) Chamblee
    12) Dunwoody

    There are lot of more them, but it would take me all day to list them all. My mom is from a small Southwestern Georgia town. My 18 year cousin was talking about how many Koreans were and continue to go to her former school, I think because of the Kia plant that was put there and from what I heard, Korean execs are still investing more things in her hometown. Even as a kid, I remembered seeing a few Asians and a Asian restaurant there.

    I believe that some of these people who do these stats don’t look far enough. Georgia is one of those states where you just can’t assume that one city should have everything in it. I tell some of my non Georgian friends this. because ,literally, you can find Asians just about any where in the state. Myself, I’ve met a couple of Asian men in Black suburbia(,one near Spelman college )Just because there are hig concentration of Asian men in state doesn’t necessarily mean that the meeting will be instant. It’s about the Asian men and Black women expressing their desire to want to date each other.

    • @ATLSis,

      Point well taken. I thought of a funny moment when hubbie and I were riding on the expressway. Traffic was bumper to bumper and we were stuck for a minute. Directly in front of us was a car with an Asian man and woman in it with a Kentucky liscence plate. After a few moments of silence, hubbie says, “Hm…Asians in Kentucky??” I looked at him and said “Damn, I was just thinking the same thing!” Needless to say we both started laughing. Because we are Southern as well and Kentucky seems SO Southern too, so you just don’t think of Asians being there.

      Honestly, I think some of E’erbody is E’erwhere. Seek and you shall find I guess, possibly….maybe. (SMILES

      • @BiAlamode:

        “Hm…Asians in Kentucky??” I looked at him and said “Damn, I was just thinking the same thing!”

        LOL! That was so, so funny, thanks for the laugh! I do think that people are everywhere, you may have to look hard to find them, but they are always there :).

    • @ATLSis,

      “Just because there are high concentration of Asian men in state doesn’t necessarily mean that the meeting will be instant. It’s about the Asian men and Black women expressing their desire to want to date each other”.

      I couldn’t have said it better myself. I graduated from UCLA and I don’t know if anyone has ever been to that campus but the ‘Asian-to-other ratio’ is high but you rarely see alot of mixed couples on campus when it comes to the Asian student body. They tend to stick to their own. However, I met my Japanese husband on campus but like you said it was “his desire” to date someone outside of his race that caused us to get together and nothing more. So just by the mere fact that there are alot of Asians around only means that you have a greater chance of “seeing” more Asian men but you have to both want to be with one another to take it to the next level. Great point :).

      • @ATLsis,

        agreed…many folks living here when asked will say they are from ‘Atlanta’, but they can be 40 miles apart…

        i live in south dekalb… the only time i see asians on my side of town is in chinese restaurants or beauty supply stores…i work in henry county, and it’s the same thing…when i go to doraville or duluth, it’s almost like i’m somewhere else…one of the main things i found disconcerting when i started learning korean is that i didn’t personally know anyone who spoke it and had to travel about 30+ mins to where they are…right now i’m not in a position to move to a more diverse part of town…i wish the cities weren’t divided up the way they are, but that’s the reality of things…

    • ok, just watched the video, lol…i also agree about making your interest known…not sure what i was thinking before, maybe that asians would be able to discern i was interested in their cultures, as if there was a neon sign on my forehead or it was written on my face…there’s no sign up there, lol, but i did take that idea and adapt it…i’m not a very outgoing/outspoken person, so i bought some jewelry written in hangul…when i go places, it’s a great way for shy me to strike up conversations with koreans…most of them are surprised that i am trying to learn the language, am interested in the culture and possibly more..

    • @ATlSis: I would imagine that part of those stats come from the fact that most Asians in the U.S. are mostly based in the Western states. Makes sense, since it is the first land they reach when they come from Asia. Although I have seen a good number of Asians in ATL, I was STUNNED at how many I saw in San Francisco this past summer. Seriously. They are EVERYWHERE. I agree that even with being surrounded by Asian men, it does not necessarily mean that a black woman will more readily find a potential partner…but really, looking at it from a logical perspective: isn’t it a numbers game? Kinda like Boomhauer in “Over the Hill” when his “secret” to getting women was revealed: he basically asked out every woman he came across until one would eventually say yes! So his chances of finding that girl who said yes was decreased if he only asked 2 women, as opposed to 20! I am not in any way, shape or form suggesting that women should go around asking out every Asian guy they see, but just trying to make the point that since there are more around, the chances are definitely greater of finding the one that’s perfect for you!

      • @BOAB81,

        Funny you should mention San Francisco. That was the first place I saw a lot of Asian people and my first Blasian couple (only it was BM/AF with their two kids) and that was back in the early 80s. The place I’ve seen the most Asians lately is Las Vegas. I’m like Goodness….no wonder K-Pop concerts have found a home there.

  2. Oh him!! I absolutely love him on Youtube. He’s so adorable and smart! I’glad that he pointed out some stats to give us an idea where AMBW stands. I think he hit on an important point which is about accepting culture of the partner. A pretty face is a pretty face, but there has to be some understanding of each other’s background.

    I also like duckduckmousse’s channel. She’s like a cute anime character and they seem to love each other so much. Kazuki is always eating too lol. He has really interesting art pieces too. I remember her replying to some idiot guy about “asian/white men don’t really want you black women” type video. We get so torn down when we go interracial sometimes and it sucks. With that said I just want to say for Black Women to have the confidence to enter and stay in these relationships (as long as they are healthy, of course) and forget those haters. As longs as you’re happy, that’s what matters. I haven’t seen the other woman yet.

    Anyway, looks like I need to get out of the south lol.

  3. He made some valid points. This I found out from doing detailed research for my book back in the early 90’s. Where I live there isn’t an overload of Asian’s. I had to venture into their community in order to get my information. Icysparks2007 was right in saying that you have to make it known how you feel. Not all Asian men will come forward at first. For one, they think you my not be interested in them. I find the home grown and not so traditional ones to be, “Let’s start seeing each other.”

    • @Jiani: I found his comment about black women having a willingness and desire to have children VERY interesting. Alot of Western women (black or not) are so caught up in their careers or keeping the bods “hot” that have put aside any dreams they may have had of having kids. But apparently, this is VERY important in Asian culture, and surely would most likely make or break the relationship. It’s a very simple concept, but important to stress to women today. Alot of us have been conditioned to act hard and to be as opposite to a female as we possibly can–without actually being men. Yes we wear skirts and lingerie and makeup and stilettos and lots of pink, but we are so HARD, not willing to bend or compromise for ANYONE. Don’t get me wrong–I am just as guilty trying to be tough and hard and not needing a man because I really haven’t had a choice and have taken care of myself for a long time because I HAD to…women’s lib, pop culture and media has certainly played a large role in completely skewing the family unit, but really, without women, the human race would be extinct. This is not an opinion–it’s fact!

  4. Ladibug,

    I’m familiar with South Dekalb.My sister lives in the area. I was once shocked. I went to my mom”s friend high school graduation. The school was majority Black,but I seen at least 6 at the time South Indians going there. It shocked me because most of the Indians I see are either in mostly White or mixed schools. I came across an Indian man today who was telling me that he was on his way to his Sikh Temple out there in the Redan area. He lives in Lithonia.It may not be as many but I’ve seen a few Asians that lives in Black areas like them. A long time ago, I didn’t know that some Blasian couples lived in Black communities in Georgia in the earlier days.

    Angel,

    Exactly. I work and don’t live too far away from Whites and South Indians. While the Asian ratio in Georgia may not be as large as Cali, New York or Seattle, there are significant Asian communities here, especially when I see Indian inspired plazas , restaurants and a HIndi temple in the area. If I was were one of those women who get frustrated about not attracting an Asian man, I would be. In my lifetime, I’ve only had two that approached me for dates and for me that was a major shocker..especially with the Indian guy( The other man was Filipino) and I didn’t meet either one, as I mentioned, in a predominately Asian community. On a whole, I have seen more B/W and BM/AW couples than the other way around. To date, I have only seen 7 AMBW couples, though it may be more. like you said most Asians marry in their own race. I can be in Georgia, Cali or Toronto,but it still will be a problem if the man isn’t approaching you.

    Bialamode,

    I think that people underestimate the demo graphics in Southern states when it comes to things like this. My sister has a good friend who is from Connecticut. She was( no longer is) married to a Latino man.of PR descent. He was concerned about her raising bi racial children here and wanted them to be a more mixed or Latino community. My family and I kind of chuckled at her because we told her about several of them( though Asians also live in many of them as well). It seemed that way to them because they thought that ATL was one, when it isn’t. She lived in Georgia before,but left because of her mom .She was sheltered so she didn’t know any better.

  5. I really like icysparx (sp) too…and I felt bad when he got jumped on for his “AMBW, why so rare?” vid. He said that in college, more BW are studying liberal arts majors, while most AM are studying science/business/pre-med/engineering stuff. What he said is true! MOST women of ANY race don’t study in those fields… they are male dominated fields. Many guys in engineering may have only 1 or 2 females of any race in their classes. Women in general, not just black women, do study liberal arts disproportionately. That’s why there are so many scholarships and fellowships for women in science/med/engineering.

    But of course some people didn’t like that he said that. They had to jump all over him and say “Well I’M studying engineering!!” as though he had said there were zero black women studying those fields! He was nice enough to issue a formal apology vid, even though he said NOTHING WRONG. It wasn’t an insult, and it wasn’t even inaccurate- just the facts about why the two groups don’t meet up on campus more often. This goes to show what a nice guy he is.

    • @joyful: what you pointed out in your comment is what keeps alot of black women from finding their ideal man. (Disclaimer: I am a black woman, so I can talk about us all I want to!!). Why do we always have to be Mary Mary Quite Contrary?? What he’s saying is that we have to examine our situations, and compromise in order to fit with an Asian guy, his family and his culture. Why why why would these women jump on him for stating legit facts?? He wasn’t insulting anyone, but rather just stating facts, but of course, “we” have to take it the wrong way! I totally understand why we react that way, though, because black women have been knocked down and kicked while they’ve been down all throughout American history, and it’s almost knee-jerk reaction if the words “black woman” is put in the same sentence with a controversial topic. We need to learn to be gems, not hard rocks, a la Lauryn Hill. Even if it wasn’t the case here, it’s ok to be wronged sometimes…that’s what life is all about. No one is always the culprit, and no one is always the victim. We can’t fight every single little thing…it’s exhausting and its stressful. And I’m sure it’s exhausting and stressful to potential Asian man that we may be interested in…

  6. Okay, I finally had a free moment and watched his video and he really brought up some interesting points. Alot of what he said was scary since it mimicked how my hubby and I met. We both met in college, at UCLA (an Asian dominated school at 55%), he was Pre-Med when we met and is now a Doctor; so he was definitely correct about the high concentration of Asian men in Medical Schools. However, I don’t agree that you need to move to another state that has more Asians in order to meet an Asian man. Asians (like Blacks, Hispanics, Indians) are in all states. However, you do need to put out the “energy” that you are interested since many Asian men, don’t pick up on the cues :).

    I really loved his point about “self-assessment”. I think the best thing is to ask yourself “Why do i really want to be in a relationship with an Asian man?” The reason cannot be simply because he is Asian. You have to really know what you are getting into when you fall in love with an Asian man. There are cultural differences and in the beginning, family pressures. Family is EXTREMELY important to an Asian man and if his family is not accepting of the relationship, it will be difficult and he will most likely cave under family pressure. In the end as my hubby always says “love is love”. If the man treats you with respect and like a queen, we shouldn’t limit ourselves. Accept the love whether the man is Asian, Black, White, Hispanic, Indian, etc.

    • Just to add to your point about family… I think sometimes we (in the AMBW sphere) put too much emphasis on the potential fallout from family. My ex-husband’s mother was from Japan, and she did not care in the slightest that I am black. It simply was not an issue. She and I got along fabulously. We went out to lunch together, shopped garage sales together, all kinds of stuff.

      Out of the other Asian men I have dated, only ONE of them had a family opposition issue. Yes, his family was Korean, and yes, he was the oldest son. I’ve seen lots of cases of black women married to Koreans who had no race-based opposition from the in-laws… though cultural clashes can still arise from other things.

      I was recently getting to know a FINE Thai-American man, and the first thing he asked me was if my parents objected to me dating interracially. I told him that they don’t care at all, and he sounded relieved as he told me that his family was cool with it as well.

      So while there may be some family opposition, it’s NOT a guarantee. People are so quick to assume it will automatically be there (not saying you specifically are doing this, Angelface) but it may not be a problem at all, so I think we should focus less on it, unless and until it becomes an issue.

      • @Joyful,

        I definitely agree that for many, race is not an issue but it still is that “pink elephant” in the room, whether we like it our not. I don’t believe that anyone from AM/BW should avoid getting into a relationship with an Asian man due to fears of “family pressures”, that’s just crazy, but go into any relationship with eyes wide open and be realistic about the potential issues that may arise. Every relationship and family is different. Like you, I have never had any racial issues with my in-laws, just cultural but have many friends who’s relationships with Asian men have failed due to family pressures. Unfortunately, it does happen. I have been happily married for 15 years and have a great relationship with my in-laws and elders. While I can write all day about how wonderful it is to be married to an Asian man, we also must be prepared for any potential negatives. But hey, what do I know :).

      • @joyful: very interesting point!! I’ve met Japanese people who’ve treated me like a daughter when I visited in Japan. Alot of people told me that it was only surface and that it wouldn’t have lasted. However, that does not always have to be the case. There are people, no matter where you go, who will treat you like a worthy human being. I would like to think that I came across some of those people in Japan and that they wouldn’t mind one bit if I dated and/or married their son/grandson. ^^

      • @Bitofabelly81,

        Yes, it is still alive and well but as we diversify, hopefully it won’t be as much of an issue in the future.

        Final thoughts — As I type my last reply, I want to say that all of you ladies are a great group of women and I sincerely hope that you all find love (if you haven’t already), and happiness in the future from a man (Asian or otherwise), who loves and respects each one of you. Hopefully, you have enjoyed my family stories and K-Pop idol encounters. It was fun interacting with everyone on the blog but alas family and hubby comes first. I wish you all well : ).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s