A Few Reasons Why An Asian Guy May Not Approach You

No doubt this isn’t the first time any of us have heard this, but this really helps to put it even more into perspective. In the attached video, the poster points out that the reasons can be different as to why an Asian guy won’t approach you. Of course, as black women, we may automatically think that its because they don’t find us attractive (and sometimes that could surely be the case). However, according to this gentleman’s insight, it is probably and most likely cultural.

12 thoughts on “A Few Reasons Why An Asian Guy May Not Approach You

  1. I’ve seen a lot of great AMBW videos,but so far, this one has to be one of the most insightful one that I have seen.

    When I think about pre-arranged marriages, Korea or other non-Muslim Asian countries never comes to mind. I think about Indians or Muslims people mostly doing that,but I now see that they do it in a different ,hidden way. I just thought that the mom would just suggest a woman for them and the men pursue them. Oddly, I’ve never thought that Asian men we’re shy, but if they were, I didn’t think it was a cultural thing. With some of them, I just thought that they were hard to get or that they only would pursue White women.

    It is what Alex said is why I was surprised when I was asked out by the 2 Asian men asked me out on a date.It’s not to say that they do not have any aggressors in the Asian cultures and/or date outside of their race as I’ve seen on several occasions,but a great deal of the ones that I’ve seen, as Alex mentioned, are into their own culture.

  2. I watched all three parts of his videos and I agree with ATLSis, his videos were by far the most insightful I’ve seen also. For my single sisters who still have the opportunity to date Asian guys, it seems you may have to approach them more so because culture will hold him back a bit. This gives new meaning to the term “rules with an Iron Fist” (SMILE). We all want Mom and Dad to love and respect our choice of partner, but this is a decision you really have to make for yourself even if Mom and Dad may not necessarily approve in the beginning. I’m not a parent, but I would hope that I would come to see the love, integrity, responsibility and overall goodness in my son or daughter’s mate regardless of their ethnicity. If you Know this person is good and that person loves your child just as fiercely as you do and you See It and you still object for no other reason than ethnicity, then yes to me that is racist.

    One thing I did pick up on is just how closeknit their culture is. As BOAB81 said, this is something I already knew, but Alex explained it in greater detail. So in my opinion, if a Black woman wants to get with an Asian guy, she may have to be the one to break the barrier and approach him first or else it may not happen, because culture and his parents will make it damn near impossible for him to even “see” you (Black woman) as a potential long term partner. He would TRULY have to not care what his parents thought, as there are exceptions as Alex stated, but highly unlikely. At least that is the conclusion I come to from his videos. I do think the Asian culture In General could open itself up more and let more people inside the “inner sanctum” (SMILES). The bottom line is most of us have experienced some type of racism, this is just how America works but you can’t let it define how you operate totally. If that was the case, then I would only associate with my people period. Hey language barriers and culture barriers may indeed exist, but until Somebody is willing to step outside of their culture and introduce their culture to someone of another culture, “love across borders” will never happen.

    • I have to say that I agree both with you and ATLSis. Out of all the AMXF videos I’ve seen, Alex’s go the most in depth. I believe as Black women, most of us can understand why Asian American guys are usually out to satisfy their parents and their families, because we also put a huge emphasis on family. The reasons he stated for Asian American guys make total sense, if you think about it. I think some of us do think the same thing when it comes to approaching Asian American guys.

      As for FOBs…I had no idea Korean guys had nearly everything set up for them when it came to dating! I think that’s pretty cool. But what Alex didn’t bring up was the current wave of Korean pride spreading across Korea (and here in America too.) Since Korea has been colonized by other Asian powers throughout history (such as the Japanese colonization from 1910-1945,) Koreans have never really gotten a chance to be “Korean,” and to embrace their own culture without persecution. Now, young Korean men and women are encouraged to date and marry only other Koreans, to sort of accentuate their Korean pride and their “Korean-ness.” It’s like the “Black is Beautiful” movement that occurred after the Civil Rights Movement of the 50’s and 60’s.

  3. His videos were really good, and a lot of stuff he says are in everyone’s culture or society. I remember when i bought a white guy home and my mother just about had a heartattack.. She was like ” why cant you bring home a black christian man home”!!! My family has strong values but they are open to interracial relationships more now than a few years ago.. His video was very insightful, but it also makes sense!!!

    • @Angel: I get that a lot from my family too. My mother likes to say “You don’t HAVE to bring home a Black Christian man, but it WOULD be nice. But if you don’t, that’s okay.” Too bad the rest of her side of the family hasn’t caught on yet.

  4. Very interesting. I am normally one of those girls who believe that the guy needs to approach the girl and I am still on that wavelength, but trust if I come across my “Bi” I will make it known I am interested so he can know it is okay to step to me. Even if I have to drop major hints in his friends ears. Whatever it takes. Now that I have an idea of their side, I know what I need to do.

    • @Lei: I’d be shameless like Megan Fox (methinks). I’d be like, “I like you. Will you take me out?” lol…chances are other chicks wouldn’t be so open and would expect him to do all the work. But like you said, if its Bi, that’s just a whole ‘nother playing field. WAY TOO MUCH AT STAKE!

      • Yes exactly. I will not be kicking myself years later, because I let “him” get away. If he came in the same package, physically and personality attractive I am not giving up that easily. I would still like him to ask me out, but there will be no doubt in his mind what my intentions are. ” lol…chances are other chicks wouldn’t be so open and would expect him to do all the work. ” Those chicks will be waiting for awhile. 🙂

  5. about 10 yrs ago, I read an article about an asian couple explaining about their culture (i can’t remember where they were from) in regards to their marriage…they said that they were strangers, but their parents arranged their marriage and they didn’t have a choice. but they learned to love each other…i guess i figured that just like things gradually change here a bit by generation/decade, maybe things had changed there with that tradition…i guess it really hasn’t, except that maybe people may still be set up but they may choose not to marry that person (?)…

    i wonder if this is what happened to rain…i don’t have a great memory to recall all the interviews/videos…but i wonder if he met the women he dated exclusively through members of his management or his friends, and if that is still happening…he keeps saying he wants to marry and fast, but hasn’t found ‘the one’…is he approaching women he likes? or is he waiting for a referral? does she have to be someone known to his friends/family/management? in other words, do i need to apply for a job at jtunes, become a towel girl or befriend his backup dancers to get referred?? or could we be looking at books on the same aisle at borders, strike up a conversation and go from there? i guess it could go either way, but hypothetically, i wonder which would be more likely? i’m crazy, i know 😛 …

    whatever sources the current ladies being introduced to him are coming from (most seem to be in the entertainment business), he doesn’t seem satisfied yet…

    • @ladibug,

      Like you I’ve wondered in terms of how Rain dates. For me everything is hypothetical never to be acted upon, but I’ve often wondered. I do think because he is a megastar and travels all the time, by virtue of the job alone his “Fun Time” is probably arranged through a combination of his management/security team/local hotel concierge (at whatever 5 star hotel he stays in). I also think his “Partners” will have to sign a nice little non-disclosure agreement (or something to the effect), so nothing gets leaked to media, even if he does date other entertainers (can never be too careful over there). I also think he tells his potential partners this up front, then if they want to stay and “play” for a while (a few weeks/months) they can. A man has to have it and Bi is no different and that’s the only way I can see how he (a megastar) can date and never be pictured with a significant other.

      In terms of meeting THE ONE, he travels so he does get to see what world has to offer in regard to other female companionship outside of Korean women and who knows he may have even sampled “the goodies” but it’s hard to say just how Rain will choose his wife. First of all, you have to stay your a__s somewhere long enough to get to know someone….arranged meeting or not. Secondly, as world traveled as he has become, he is still SO traditional in a lot of ways and since his mother passed away when he was a teen, he is still trying to please her in some ways. I am sure that translates into why he has not settled down as yet. From what I’ve heard of Asian moms, I doubt Seriously if Bi would even think about considering marrying ANYBODY who’s not Korean. He may “play” with a non-Korean, but marry……never (IMHO). I would LOVE to be wrong on that however. Bi’s choice in a wife/life partner will be a direct reflection in how He Feels his mother would feel about his choice. I would be willing to bet money on that. However, I still say he would make THE most gorgeous Blasian baby. (SMILES)

  6. I can understand what this guy is saying still. I’ve pretty much never dated anyone and it’s only been a few years since I started finding interest in East Asian guys. Somehow, subconsciously, I think that if I meet the right Westernized Asian guy, that he’ll make the first move but sometimes, the female has to make the first move. I guess most guys, if not all, like a woman with confidence and if she can make the first move, then I think it shows that(?). But for sure, when I do meet “Mr. Right,” I don’t care how shy I am; I am going to go up to him, and make conversation. At my school, I saw an asian guy with an islamic-looking female. And may I say that this was during my first year at university so I was REALLY shocked. I’ve only seen Asian Male/Asian Female, Asian Female/Black Male (this was only once though), and Asian Male/White Female. I haven’t seen an Asian Male/Black Female couple yet up here in Canada but who knows lol.

    I’m not saying that I’m only looking for an Asian guy to be with, because I’m open to guys from any race but I just prefer East Asian guys overall; Japanese & Korean to be specific. It’ll just take time, and I believe that the right guy will come when the time is right.

    Deuces!

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