Say It Isn’t So

I came across this article quite a while ago (before this blog was started) and hadn’t thought of it until I had a conversation with two male Japanese co-workers last week. Do “grass-eating” men really exist in abundance in Japan? And just the men that are in my age range (20-34)!! Sheesh, I hope not! Anyway, about the conversation I had…

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent ^_^) Tanaka san is the older of the two, aged about 28. Tanaka san stands tall at over 6 ft, thin and aloof, but kind and friendly (once you get to know him). Junpei, is a few years younger. About 6 ft, he is a bit more on the “healthy” side body-wise, and is outgoing and chatty. From my experience working with them, they are both very smart and like many Japanese men I’ve known, work long hours and weekends. Both were born and lived in Japan, have relocated to the States to work and are single.

During lunch I was having a light-hearted conversation with them, discussing random things i.e. life in the city we live in, as well as the latest company news. All of a sudden, the conversation makes a turn and Junpei points out that Tanaka san is looking for a girlfriend but (in so many words) has no game or real social skills to attract women. Tanaka san turns a bit red, but admits that what Junpei says is true. Junpei adds that Tanaka san’s biggest problem is that “he cares, but acts like he doesn’t care.” To which Tanaka san replied, “yes, I have no motivation.” Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind is, “he’s a grass-eater”. In the most tactful way I could, I told him that I had once read an article that claimed that some Japanese men were indeed not interested in women or sex, but were rather content with being alone and working all the time. Surprisingly, Tanaka san confirmed my words were true and said that although he wants a relationship, he has no motivation to talk to women, knows that once he is in a relationship he will have to give her a lot of attention, and would just rather not be bothered. I then turned to Junpei, saying, “he really needs help”. Tanaka san, wanting to take the spotlight off of himself, pointed to Junpei and said, “help him too. He is also single.” Junpei quickly retorted, “yes, but I am aggressive. I do not need any help.” I would have to agree, just judging from the way he has given me the once over more than twice, and doesn’t seem to mind that I noticed, he is indeed aggressive and goes after what he wants.

You guessed it: Dude is seriously applying lip gloss

So there you have it. Two Japanese guys I work with who are on completely different ends of the dating/social spectrum. Later when Junpei had left, Tanaka san told me that he is actually really afraid to be dumped, and feels that he will be if he ever enters into a relationship. Some of you may think that perhaps Tanaka san is gay, but I don’t think he is. Actually, I as well as my girlfriends have seen him checking me out more than a few times and his eyes seem to twinkle when we talk, especially when its in Japanese. So much so, that one of my friends swore to me that he would soon ask me out. That day never came. But who knows? When I asked Tanaka san what kind of woman he was looking for, he said that she didn’t have to be Japanese, BUT, she would have to at least be semi-fluent in the language. When relaying this to my friend, she replied, “he means you!!” While I don’t know if that is true, or am not really bothered either way, I thought it was funny and had to share it with you ladies. The crazy thing is if I really did have feelings for this guy, I’d think, just by his actions, that he was completely disinterested and/or gay. This article (as well as the conversation I had with the guys) really opened my eyes to the bigger picture. And trust, ladies, we will be discussing this subject in greater detail in the future…