Really?

I have a question for you. Judging from this blog I have maintained for the past few months, do you think I am racist or discriminatory against Asian men? Be honest, now!

There has been a “discussion” going for a while now on another post that I put up some time ago. Apparently, I have been labeled a “racist” (by a woman of the Caucasian persuasian) for trying to get to the bottom of why I feel (take it for what its worth) it seems that Asian women tend to marry mostly non-Asian men, and Asian men tend to marry mostly Asian women. Let me be more specific: Japanese people. My article was about the wonderful Asian (Japanese) people that I have worked with for years and my thoughts on why it seemed that Japanese men were being side-lined by their women. The Japanese people I am referring to are either living in the States on a temporary work assignment or have come start a new life. They were all born in Japan, and are living in the States for one reason or another (I wanted to specify that these are not second or third generation Japanese).

What the racist-mongering lady commenter fails to take into account is the very concept and context of this blog. No, I do not think Asian men are worthless. No, I do not think they are what stereotypes try to make them to be. I love Asian guys. Actually, I love all guys, but I feel a special pull toward Asian men because I’ve seen how they have been misrepresented and demasculinized. I hate to see Asian men blacklisted. As a black woman, I can truly relate to that. I’ve seen it and I hate it. Hence this blog. Hence the countless posts on only Asian men, famous or non-famous.

Speaking of blogs, check out this new blog theasianrevolution. The gentleman (please correct me I am wrong asianrevolution!) who runs this blog has quite alot to say on this social phenomena, and I think you will find his comments as to why this is happening very interesting.

I guess it seems I am on my soapbox, but I just need to clear the air.

1) This blog is open to anyone, no matter what race or ethnicity or gender.

2) I don’t claim to be omniscient or completely pure of heart and mind (no one is). We all need to free and open our minds to some extent.

3) But the last thing that anyone should get from this blog is that I am racist toward Asian men.

Really.

31 thoughts on “Really?

  1. a very loud and resounding “NO!!”…i personally think this blog has been a very positive place to discuss love and admiration for asian men in general and bi rain in particular…at the very least, there is the word ‘appreciation’ and a heart in the title of the blog…not sure how that could be misunderstood, but everybody is different…an appreciation blog directed towards asian men and black women is not anti-any other relationships.

    sometimes on the road to (self)discovery, we find wonderful things, but there are also things we might not want/like to know…we have to decide if we will choose denial or learn from the knowledge and use it to better understand ourselves and others. i don’t know the other commenter from eve, but it’s possible she was introduced to an idea that made her uncomfortable…it’s up to her what to do with that knowledge, deny it or try to understand and learn from it…but no comments that i’ve seen posted here by anyone else have struck me as prejudiced or worse, racist…i’m pretty sure that sort of rhetoric would not be tolerated on this board…

    i think we’re building a very nice community here and personally, i want to see it continue to grow and thrive…keep up the great work boab1!

  2. It’s great that you have the confidence and security to talk about this subject as it relates to the Asian American community and similarly to the Black community. Most AAs are just are in denial, especially my AA brothers and sisters. It is very frustrating…you would think that as obvious as it is, people like us shouldn’t have to try to persuade others that it is happening. We would go to AA clubs and the guys get ignored and women walk in with white guys who get all the attention but the AA guys just deny anything is going on…that the white guys have better game and are just “better.” So not only are the AA guys denying that it is happening, but when they see AA women with white guys, they blame themselves as if they are inferior! How sad is that? This is sick and affects the mental soundness and identity development and lack of it amongst the AA community as a whole. It is so destructive….and to top it off, the AA guys will fight each other over “scraps.” By this I mean they are used by the AA women who realize that they can get a lot out of the guys who do whatever it takes to try to get them but use them in the end. Whether it’s free dinners, drinks, entry into nightclubs, or any other kinds of perks, the women will use the AA guy’s kindess to their advantage. I’m not saying that AA men and women don’t hook up, but what I am describing is happening and prevalent to the degree of concern.

    Our struggles are similar and is mainly due to our people ascribing to white privilege. Unfortunately, it also involves the belief in the lack of desirability of Black women and Asian American men due to our respective races. And the sad thing is that when this out-marrying occurs, it involves the ones who are more educated and have more financial resources. In other words, the hotter and more educated AA women tend to be the ones who “leave” the community and prefer white men. I see the similarity with the more affluent Black men going for white women and all of this is a slap in the face to our communities. It’s as if when you have made it very far, you deserve better, which is white. What does this say about pride in our cultures and our people’s struggles? Is our collective history of work and struggle meaningful? Or once you’ve reached a certain high level of social and financial privilege, you should would be a fool to not go for white. Whatever the answers are, we need to continue to have dialogue about it. But at least the phenomena of Black men out-marrying white women are discussed and I hear Black women acknowledging and talking about it. That is great. I just wished that AAs had the courage and confidence to deal with it. The Asian American and Black communities do share this plight and alliances should be formed so that we can shed light and motivate action on it.

    It is inspiring to see that you see value in Asian men. It’s an honor since Black women are so respectable in my eyes. The strength and beauty of Black women are undeniable. Yet many Asian guys don’t think that they have a shot with your community, or white women as well. Yeah, I said it. I try to take Asian American guys to mixed lounges/bars/clubs, and they would rather go to predominately Asian clubs and be ignored. They indirectly tell me that they don’t have the confidence to talk to the other women. And if not, they put the Asian women on the pedestal. The AA women know it and they use it to their advantage. A lot of us are very insulated and keep it that way, which is not cool. Nevertheless, there are AA men like me who notice Black women and the inner and outer beauty that they possess. I personally wish that AA women could be cool, confident, and have the soul and strength that characterize a lot of Black women. I too have gone on a couple of dates with Black girls in LA even though nothing ever materialized. But our communities should collaborate on this issue, it is undeniable!

    • I think it only fair to mention the young lady you refer to, “Kei”, is “hafu” … half “Asian” as indicated in various places in her blog. Does that put yet a different spin on things? I wonder…

  3. Racist..huh?

    That woman has to be kidding ,right? I’m just trying to see the racism on here. When I first seen this website, the only vibe that I got from it was that you were a huge fan of Bi Rain,K/J-pop and how hot they were. I’ve been this site for several months now. I’ve seen a great deal of the posts on here. You haven’t said anything racist on them. You haven’t referred to Asian men( and races of people in general) as any derogatory racist names, insulted them or anything of that nature. I’m just trying to figure how can “I love Asian men” be interpreted as hate?Just because you have an appreciation board about Asian men/Black women doesn’t men that you’re anti anything. As you have mentioned on here, any race of people are welcomed on it. If you were a racist you wouldn’t have written that on here.

    As a woman who cherishes diversity, I don’t see anything wrong with this blog. It’s clean,non divisive and just amusing ,especially when you talk about dear Bi. I’ve always been into Asian ( and other cultures), but I’ve been exposed to the other side of it by being entertained with Asian cinema, K-pop music and stories.Just keep on doing what you’re doing and don’t let any negative distractions like that get in your way of your blogging.

  4. You Racist?!…….What…….ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! It is PRECISELY because of your fair minded and open views toward Asian men and the AM/BW dynamic, as they relate to one another, is why I love this blog. When I recently became of aware of Bi and his career I went on a “quest” of sorts and it eventually led me here. If anything, you go out of your way to be fair with every post and I have Never felt racism coming from this blog…..Ever! I do hope the dialogue regarding Blasian love continues. I am a Black woman married to a Black man, but I have come to appreciate the Blasian love dynamic and think it’s a beautiful thing. I hope others who have the courage, reach out to one another. If there is an Asian young man out there who feels an attraction for an African-American woman, don’t be afraid to approach her, you may be surprised…….(SMILES)

    Ji-Hoon Jung (Bi) has absolutely BLOWN ME AWAY, on every level and if I was not married, I just might be walking down a “Blasian trail” myself!……..(SMILES)

    @BOAB81,

    Keep doing what you’re doing lady, you’re blazing trails and opening eyes, tearing down false perceptions and that’s a wonderful thing. Through this blog, young Black girls and young Asian guys will begin to believe in their own value, if they do not already, and will soon realize they deserve all the love and happiness this life has to offer, no matter the “wrapping” it comes in and that they ARE WORTHY!…….Kudos to you, my dear!!

  5. Hahaha I don’t where this lady get the impression that trhis blog is racist but ok (sigh). I really like this blog and how it shows blasian love and also someone other than myself who is really attracted to Asian men and appriciates them as much as me ^ ^. But like other people say keep doing what your doing because who knows how many people’s eyes you’ll open up.

  6. Haters Make You Famous 😀 I believe those words to be true. Don’t worry about chickie. She doesn’t know you or where you’re coming from. Your blog is a haven for me and I appreciate everything you’ve done. Keep it up!

    Love Seli

  7. Forgive me,
    but that’s bullshit!

    That said, there is absolutely nothing racist about this blog.
    This blog is all inclusive, it is one of appreciation and education.
    It presents topics in a “for your consideration” manner,
    It explores stereotypes while encouraging all to keep an open mind.
    It seems that all who have contributed to this blog are intelligent human beings,
    present company excluded, most, at present, of the female persuasion,
    and each with their own life experience; and,
    we come to this site to share an honest expression,
    and/or interpretation based on each of our singular life experiences.

    My first thought is that this individual
    has most likely not had relations with people of others races,
    in particular people of colour;
    that she may be intimidated
    by the broad range of life experiences,
    and the thoughts and emotions that we so openly
    and freely share with one another;
    from the extremely serious,
    to the hilarious, to downright juvenile adoration.
    Here, we are all free to dare to dream.

    I know not this individual,
    but their comments lead me to believe that too,
    perhaps, there is a bit of jealousy involved here.
    Why, the gall of us colored folk to entertain even the possibility
    of a relationship with a man of another race.
    Does the fact that it is actually quite possible,
    and is happening all around her pose a threat to her.
    If this individual is of mixed race,
    are there elements of self-hatred, anger, or pain of rejection,
    or perhaps feeling of guilt being expressed.
    I am curious as to the environment in which she was raised
    that would bring about such a point of view.
    Are her comments representative of a false sense of superiority;
    and if so, then I say you… get over yourself,
    and get in touch with the real;
    that is, the world is ever-changing and anything is possible; and,
    ALL things, all possibilities are to be open for discussion,
    and freely explored; a process of exploration,
    and open-minded consideration of all things.
    Your forum is a medium to do just that.

    I have submitted, what I thought after the fact of course,
    to be some pretty off-the-wall ideas,
    and I tend to digress; but in spite of myself,
    the forefinger insists upon posting my comments.
    Not once has anyone called me out on any of it.
    This forum is open and accepting,
    it is non-judgmental and all are welcome to the table,
    including she who has falsely accused.
    That this individual has made such an accusation is unfair.
    I mean, it is what it is, numbers do not lie,
    so why not put it up for discussion where all points of view are welcome.
    It seems to me, she is missing the point entirely, and that is a shame.
    There are other ways to express your opinions
    without attacking the host or the participants; and,
    if you are going to participate in such a forum,
    you best be prepared to accept the opinions,
    expressions and ideas of others, sans malice,
    and with respect.

    You know I could go on all day,
    but I think I’ll quit while I think I am ahead.
    I love this forum.
    It is thought-provoking, entertaining,
    might I even say it has a warm and inviting atmosphere;
    and, it has lots of pretty pictures too!
    I am very appreciative of all you have to offer BoaB,
    and all the work you put in to maintain this site;
    and, that you take the time to reply to your participants directly.
    I look forward each and every day
    to what you may put forth for our consideration.
    I look forward to reading the comments of others;
    and though I do not always have time,
    lately it seems like, seldom if ever,
    I am always eager to participate.
    I thank you for providing such a fresh,
    and fun forum which affords me
    the opportunity to do just that.

    As people of color, we are all too familiar with what racism is.
    It comes in many forms, and many colors.
    I submit that the only thing racist
    regarding the subject matter presented on this site,
    and the comments which follow,
    are the comments submitted by
    the Caucasian (possibly part Asian) persuasion herself.
    Talk about the pot calling the kettle…
    (Sorry, sometimes I just can’t help myself.)

    To theasianrevolution:
    You are dead-on when you speak of
    “our people ascribing to white privilege”
    especially as it relates to self-hatred
    and emasculation of both Asian and Black men.
    You know what you’re talking about…
    and again I say,
    we are fortunate to be able to do so
    in a forum such as this.

      • I know,
        I’m sorry.
        Content aside,
        I have been writing this way for as long as I can remember, personally and professionally.
        Professionally speaking, I have no idea how I’ve managed to get away with it for so long.
        I think it is how I speak, or at least how my thoughts present themselves in my mind;
        and that it is most likely but one manifestation of my OCD.
        You have no idea how much it pains me
        to leave the third and fourth lines as they are;
        and the fifth line is really, truly pushing it.
        I genuinely believe I have a fear of the RIGHT MARGIN…
        I struggle with this throughout each and every day,
        as most of my days consist mainly of written communications.
        But, doesn’t everyone’s these days.
        First, an end to verbal and face-to-face communications,
        followed by the abolition of hard currency.
        While my responses can be voluminous at times,
        if you were to meet me in person,
        loquacious would not be a word
        that comes to mind.
        Oh, and I accept
        your gracious invitation
        to visit your blog.

  8. My thoughts and prayers
    to Japan,
    and all who may fall victim to
    this latest earthquake (8.9 magnitude),
    its aftershocks, and subsequent Tsunamis…

  9. Yes, My thoughts and prayers to the people of Japan and the other countries that is feeling the after effects of it. I also hope that the people in the Western edge of the U.S. will be well protected from it.

  10. I too would like to send out my prayers and well wishes to the people of Japan who have been affected by the devastating earthquake/tsunami. God speed!

  11. I haven’t read everyone’s comments yet, but what I find funny is how could this possibly be true. Umm hello! You dedicated an entire site to them. “Hence this blog. Hence the countless posts on only Asian men, famous or non-famous.”

    How does that show prejudice? Maybe I am confused.

  12. I dont think ur racist. One thing i notice about ww/am vs bf/am for ww stay clear of serious racial talk and black women embrace it. Most ww/am sites fixate on romance dating sex & do little discussing on social/political issue both may face. Not just due to their union but also of the mate who is the minority. Also ww/am site painfully generalized aa men & aa community as well other minorities.Where bf/am are guilty to a certain extent. Yet only on a bf/am site would i find an afro-latina(like myself) couple w/aa male or biracial black woman. Nor interact w/aa men who aren’t afraid to speak their mind politically n not just about getting laid. Mostly bf/am are focus on commenalty of racial struggle between both races. That is the reality no rose colored everyone racial equality neutralism garbage. We’re talking about IR dating race is an issue. If i’m consider racist for making that observation then phuck it i’m racist. I hope aa male i fall for is also.

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